jUst JoKEs!

1) DON'T LOOK AT NAKED LADY
Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into stone. A part of me is getting hard already!

(2) NAMES OF WIVES
A malay man had 4 wives, and he called his...
4th wife..... baby doll
3rd wife.....china doll
2nd wife.....barbie doll
1st wife...... panadol !

(3) HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME
This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress while thinking a name of his country and his mistress ask him
'In Dear?'...

(4) RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch!

(5) ARAB MAN
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls'?
'Abdul Aziz '
'Sex? '
'Six times a week!! '
'No, no, I mean male or female! '
'Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel !'

(6) SERVICE
Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service'

(7) HAPPY MAN
What makes a happy man! ?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy and... Wife on the cover of 'missing persons'

( SWIMSUIT
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.

(9) GOOD AMBITION
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher :! Why?
Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.

(10) DENTIST
Woman complaining to dentist: 'It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed.'
Dentist: 'Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly. '

(11) VIRGIN
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read : BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: ' RETURNED UNOPENED '

(12) OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL
75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - why???
Coz she didn't know anything and he had forgotten everything.

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked 'Is my time up?'
God said, 'No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.'

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth!

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, 'I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?'

(You'll love this)

God replied: 'I didn't recognize you.'

1. Losing all your friends
Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends."

2. Brother wanted
A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,"send me a brother"....
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"....

3. Meaning of WIFE
Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!"
Wife replies, "No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!"

4. Importance of a period
Teacher: "Do you know the importance of a period?"
Kid: "Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away."

5. Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?" Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential! "

6. Anger management?
Husband: "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?"
Wife: "I clean the toilet."
Husband: "How does that help?"
Wife: "I use your toothbrush ."

The bride tells her husband,
"Honey, you know I'm a virgin and don't know anything about sex.
Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison'
and my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is, put the prisoner in the prison."

And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, the bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner has escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles "Then all we have to do is re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the bride,
thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile,

"Honey, the prisoner escaped again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with unsteady legs of a recently born foal.
Afterwards he lays on his back totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, sorry to bother you, but the prisoner is out again."

Simply turning his head, he YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence, OKAY!"

Hummmm... I'm not sure I would do this:



Hahahahahaha...

Very good jokes man!

Love them!!